How To Play The Penis Game

We have a boy. He loves his wang. He has recently started to belt out  "Penis" for no reason and out of the blue. This is how we play:

He randomly says "Penis". We could be eating breakfast, tying his shoe, playing trains at grandmas, whatever. You have to say "books" or "carpet" or "zipper". It's extremely hard not to say "vagina". 

See, this is not a game I want to play or that we have taught him about. It's anti-playing. He belts out "penis" and very quickly we have to reply with a word that has nothing to do with penis. A word to change the subject, to essentially kill the penis. It's hard. 

When people normally play this word play game, you say a word and generally say a word that coincides with said word. Such as "peanut butter" and "cracker" or "bird" and "fly". I think "vagina" might be a popular answer when saying "penis". Well, he does it so randomly it forces my mind to jumble and it takes all I have to spurt out "wall" and not "vagina" or something worse. If I say the V word, it's over. He is in hysterics, body parts will be said and the penis will be loved all the more. 

So far we are winning. He is getting creative with answers to our words. It's actually fun. He tried it at the grocery store though. On his dads shoulders. We were surrounded by T Day shoppers. Daddy put the kabosh on our game.

Bloody Nose

I do the ultimate no no. I sleep with my daughter still. Why? Well because she is loud. My husband wakes up at 4 and we have no time to deal with a screaming Kiki in another room. So, she sleeps with me where I can silence her quickly and not wake the money maker. 

You know what though, I don't care she still sleeps with me. I like it. I love listening to her, I love smelling her and I love kissing her. I know that one day it will stop. She might be much older but guess what? It will stop one day and I know this. So it doesn't bother me or stress me out. 

It isn't perfect though. She has an internal alarm clock set for 7am. I stay up late. 7am is not my ideal wake up time. But I do it because again, she is loud and quite persistent. Sometimes it's fun to just lay in bed and have her crawl and chat all over me. It doesn't last long because her brother has inevitably climbed in sometime during the wee hours and is sleeping with us. So, we get up and let him sleep a few minutes longer. 

This morning though was horrifying. Kikis alarm went off before James got up. She was being so loud I had to whisk her off to her room to sleep. Will woke us up this time. He was quiet but still, her conscious heard her brother and got her so excited she woke up bright eyed and bushy tailed. Me? I was so tired. I lay there with my eyes closed tired from being up late and tired from our move. The kids played and chatted. It was fun hugging them both and kissing them. I was having a lovely start to my day. Then Kiki slapped me in the face and magically had a finger go straight up my nose causing blood to come gushing out of it. 

I hate bloody noses. My brother used to have one everyday for years. Yuck. I had blood all over my mouth and neck and fingers. Oh. I should also inform you, it's pitch black in this room and I am super blind without my lenses. So, I have no ideas where the blood is going, I can't see anything and I have to pull myself up, away from the needy children and stumble to the bathroom. Kiki is now screaming because she wants me to hold her but I won't mostly because I am mad but also because I have to clean up. Will is doing great considering the horror show his mother looks like. 

My day was shot. I felt sick. I had a headache that was intermittent. I had flashbacks to the horror my day started with. Will never gave me a bloody nose. Of course my daughter would. 

A Dead Mouse In The Playhouse

It's very cold these days and it's about to get colder. Going outside isn't my #1 choice with the kidlets these days. Today though was sunny and pretty. It was cold though. I thought I could open up the playhouse, clean off the table that we are using for Thanksgiving and wait for James to come home. Wrong.

We got outside and we were all excited. I opened up the playhouse and went to open the smaller door. That's when I saw it. My door had been chewed down. Wood chips were everywhere. Then I started to notice mass amounts of turds on the floor. As I start freaking out I notice the other door has also been chewed. I sniff the air to see if I smell a dead rat. Nope, but that doesn't mean anything. Luckily Keely can walk so she isn't face to face with the turds and she is actually outside trying to ride a bike. Will is good, I tell him what's up and to stay outside. I run inside and grab the vacuum. I hurry back out asking Will if Kiki is still outside. We are good. I start the vacuum. Up go the turds and wood chips. I start picking up toys that were left on the floor only to find the rat ate some of them and destroyed them. It ate a bunch of fake plastic fruits and veggies. It also ate a rhino Will got from our neighbor. She bought it in Africa. I loved that thing. It ate a few paint samples I had collected. I lifted slowly a blanket left on the floor to see a large, hairy mass. I screamed. James thankfully was just walking on the scene. I ran out of the playhouse. I gagged and raged a moment on the lawn. He took the kids to swing. I decided to be a big girl and get the SOB out of there. I grabbed a flat shovel and walked back in. James said he would do it but I insisted on doing it. I asked his advice on where it should go. I got it on the shovel and brought it into the light. It was so sweet. It looked like it had just fallen asleep and never woke back up. It's fur looked soft, not matted or greasy or gross. It was fat. It may have been pregnant. I was a little sad. But, it's a nasty rodent and into the neighbors empty lot it went.

I have no clue how it got in there. Obviously it entered when we were in it. Where it hid I have no clue. I am so pissed it chewed both of the doors. When cleaning I could find no spot of entry. I will look again. I now have to take some anti-bacterial wipes and wipe everything down. I found a turd in the kitchen toy they have. I may throw it out.