Sunday, September 23, 2018

Pee is Somewhere


So a few days ago I walk into my bathroom and I smell the subtle smell of human pee. It isn't strong, but I knew, it was there. Not a big deal.
The next day, I walk into the bathroom and yep, its still there and it is stronger. Okay. Maybe it will get dealt with, its probably nothing big, I'll dive deeper if it gets worse.
The next day. Yes, I smell it. Its worse. Its awful. I can't find it. I see Kiki underwear and I smell them and they stink. I think okay, finally, we solved it and she has been spoken to. Good.
The next day. I come home, walk into my room and I am slapped across the face with the full foulness of urine. What. The. Fuck. I scrub the floor, I ask questions, no one knows. I put a bleach tablet into the toilet. I go to bed smelling it but convinced it will clear in the morning.
The next morning. No. It hasn't cleared. It fucking reeks in my room and it reeks in my bathroom. It doesn't seem to be bothering anyone. I am obsessed. I smell it everywhere. I clean my room hunting for some piss soaked towel or underwear or bathing suit or shorts, anything. There is nothing. My mother comes over and I tell her about this saga. She comes in for a sniff test and she smells it for sure. I break down, I tell her I don't know what else to do. She says we need to bleach the floor. She thinks someone peed on the floor and the stone tile has absorbed it. We bleach it. We bleach it so strongly our eyes hurt and we have to let it air an hour. We come back, and it still stinks. She's convinced a pipe has gone awry and the piss smell is located in the plumbing of my sink. I just can't comprehend how it can be so. Another hour goes by and I walk into my bathroom. I am physically ready to rip out the toilet it smells so god awful. For some reason the shower curtain is pulled back just a little and I see it. All these splotches of discolored liquid on the floor of the shower. I pull the curtain back all the way and I find it. I find the source of the urination. I call both kids in. Kiki says no. Will says yes. He claims there was no other place to pee. I call bullshit and make him smell it. He knows. We talk about choices, alternatives and previous life experiences. I then rinse it out, spray it down with water and go on with the rest of my day. As I write this though, I smell it. Its disgusting urine undertone stench creeping around my room and my head.

A Lost Shovel

Last week we had our house re sided. One plus of that is we had a huge dumpster come to our lawn. I was able to throw all kinds of trash in it. I tossed broken toys, busted bikes, lots and lots of yard trash and anything really my little heart desired. I thought I had thrown everything I could possible throw away into that dumpster when I realized, no. I had forgotten about the heaps of trash and broken toys located in the playhouse. Damn. I tried to open the lid but I just couldn't. So, I was left with a shovel.
I found this shovel in my entryway. I believe it was my mothers and the tip was broken off so it was trash. I decided this was the impetus I needed to get the playhouse cleaned out before the dumpster was removed. Since I couldn't lift the lid, I couldn't complete my potential job. I instead shoved that shovel as far into the dumpster and it lid as I could possibly cram it. I thought it was pretty secure.
Later that day I left to pick up the kids from school. On our way home, a hundred or so feet from the neighborhood entrance I saw what I thought was a shovel, the shovel, in the road. I thought it couldn't be. I had shoved that thing in as far and hard as I could. I was telling the kids about it. They started to ask a barage of questions about it. Will asked me how sure was I it was the shovel. I told him 90% sure. Then I hear Keely tell me "Mom, you ought to be ashamed of yourself." That did it. I told her she was right. I turned the car around, drove back to the shovel, waited until it was safe and retrieved that damn shovel. Now I still have it somewhere in my car and I live with the haunting memory of her telling me I ought to be ashamed of myself.